#i will shut up now. thank u.
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I Wish To Know More About Ren. Does She Like The Mc In Step 1. Or 2. Will Ren Eventually Be Datable.
#oc tag/#i cannot tell in my stance yet if silas likes ren and rens like 'ew girls -' so silas doesnt LIKE LIKE ren but is like. Homies In#Silence. silas has rens back but rens like 'brother u can die-'/j.#it SEEMS like ren warms up to mc fairly quickly but not like Super Tight. and like.#god i am just typing for the fuck of it.#silly likes ren not as much as tam or qiu. silly and baxter arent Really Friends nor would they talk if like. it was just them side by side.#silly even gets a little intimidated by tam when shes little.#silly likes qiu almost off the bat. silly likes tam but theyre very different ppl. sillys totally not like qiu either but qiu kinda melds to#people more. tams sweet and bouncy which silas eventually warms up a lot too and then when theyre older silas is like. the doting one to tam#like tams'll puff hersekf up to hide silas behind her and talk to teachers or cashiers for silas. silas is quietly a lot more doting#as teens to tam. also they kiss idc. girl kissers recognize girl kissers.#i will shut up now. thank u.
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round 2 of prelim designs for @philosophiums n my lovechild of an au
first year trio
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#fanart#jjk fanart#jjk atla!au#gojo satoru#nanami kento#choso kamo#atla!au: design#atla!au: art#STILL NOT SHUTTING UP ABT THIS AU NOT SORRY#shoves more concept art in ur face but make it the Adults#spent entirely too much time figuring out how on earth to dress gojo#bc i knew i wanted him air nomad monk-esque#but the LAST thing i want is to put this man in orange. in fact i wld rather die#so i yoinked raava's whole Vibe every1 say thank u raavaaaaaaa#debated the hat also but im so happy i went fr it it brings the whole thing tgt so well#every1 say thank u painted lady kataraaaaaa#and the fit as a whole turned out SO good im ????? do i LIKE gojo in this ???????? hina like gojo challenge???????????#who knew all it took was billowy robes and twice as many necklaces as any one man has the right to wear#as fr the others#iv never Drawn choso period so i ws neutral on his design until i had th idea 2 make his furs bloody#now i think its pretty metal GHFHJS#n then theres nanami......not a Bad design i dont think but definitely pales next to th others gomen......#reffed the lok metalbenders pretty heavily n didnt do much else.....might workshop it probably definitely bc i refuse to let him flop >:(#lmhs
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no one asked for jade but i might as well complete the octatrio
#he doesnt deserve a fun pose#“you could've just chose to ignore him--”#<- SHUT UP#“and with that logic u should also draw kalim to complete the scaraduo”#<- i am going to launch myself into the sun#also thank you jade for being my 1000th post#how did that happen#[—✦-#-✧ my art#twst art#twst#twisted wonderland#jade leech#-✦—]#harry if you're reading this#i'm in the trenches too now#im dying
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This is the last time I'm going to be annoying about this, I swear.
A few examples of that I, a gifmaker, personally love seeing under the tags:
Analysis of said scene, show, or character, especially the long ones going in depth that span like 1000 words
People saying how crisp the GIFs look and how nice the coloring is THANK YOU. ILY GUYS. That's always huge praise for me.
Reacting with how emotional you got with the scene. How painful and emotional or how touching a scene is.
People making funny jokes, memes, comments, etc.
Literally ppl horny posting LMAO. It's super funny to read and I love seeing all the unhinged comments.
Seeing how much you loved the show and its characters
Things I don't like seeing under the tags. And these are just two very specific things:
How much you hate the show, how much you think a scene is bad, how much you hate a character, the ship, the creators, etc. or how much you dont like this ship anymore, calling a ship horrible because ____ reasons. OKAY! I get it! But I don't want to see that. Make your own hate post on your own blog! You're free to have an opinion on how much you hate something. Just do it on your own blog.
Asking why I leave out certain scenes out, why I decided to gif this scene, or not gif more of these characters. Sometimes, I'm just exhausted. I can overlook things. You guys don't know how draining making gifs can get to me, especially the scenes that are really long. But I do it because I LOVE Arcane, the story, and the characters, and the particular scenes that I make gifs of. I have my own biases too. Of course I’m making them first. Please, just make them yourself instead of complaining under the tags of my edits. Yes, I can see them.
Don’t get me wrong, I wholeheartedly appreciate everyone who supports and follows the blog. I want to make a million more HQ gifs of this amazing show, but sometimes, the very rare negativity can still get overwhelming, to the point where it demotivates you.
Arcane is extremely special to me because it's such a fantastic show, and that alone motivates me in trying to create more GIFs. Honestly, if it was any other fandom or show? I would've probably left already. Arcane is THAT great.
I know the block button is there. I use it too, but sometimes, the amount of effort and time you exert to create FOR FREE just isn’t worth it. And that’s why gifmakers and creators stop making things for fandom. It’s not fun anymore. It’s not worth it.
Some people think that making my style of GIFs is easy. Then great! Since you think so, then do it yourself and help create for the fandom too! I wholeheartedly encourage you to do it!
TLDR: Don't be rude on people's fanwork, especially when they are created FOR FREE. If you don’t like their fanwork, you can make them yourself.
#personal tag#long post#ok i will shut up about this topic but i really really needed to get it out#this is the very last complaint post you’ll see about this fr just let me fully rant abt it just this once#to the people who listened to my grievances thank you too you guys know who you are#and if ur here thank u for reading this#ive pumped out what.... 20 gif sets in three days........ and posting a lot will defo get some irritating comments#i know i cant control them but sometimes u accidentally see some and it just affects you#theres a reason why my inbox comments and mentions are closed and sometimes its because some people can be fucking insufferable#janna give me strength in the next few weeks#and if u see me randomly disappear and stop creating then u know why#but for now my love for the show transcends all of this and im going to try my best to avoid seeing annoying comments on my edits#idk if other gifmakers get it but like..... yeah i hope i can have thicker skin#ive rested and recovered from being tired and demotivated but the whiplash you get at the heat of the moment is insane sometimes lol
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Hello again!
Ok, you're all TOO nice by now ♡
I can't be thankful enough for the amount of nice comments and notes I've got because of my Sun drawing! Really, all these words and support made me incredibly happy so, once again, thank you so much! Truly ☆
(One more thing! A lot of you liked the little Sun doodles on the sides of the drawing so here they are! Some close ups)
#I MEAN IT REALLY!!! You're all so nice#One person literally wrote lots of specific stuff they liked about my drawing and AAJGHD#literally sobbing#also everyone calling Sun silly#I agree#I'll shut up now but really THANK U LOTSSS#dca fanart#dca fandom#fnaf dca#sundrop#sundrop fanart#dca sun#dca au#dca human#See you again soon!#my art
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what is the theory that ivan manipulated the event where till and mizi met the wagyein?
It's not a theory, actually! It's confirmed that Ivan orchestrated the whole event. The true reason as to why however is still unknown. The information provides more context to this scene, though:
During the earlier times of ALNST the most rational explanation for this scene was that Till ran after a flower crown (presumably Mizi's) and Ivan followed him in out of curiosity. Now we know that Ivan was conveniently just standing there because he was waiting.
Side note, I find it heartbreaking (and maybe a little funny, sorry) that Till most likely didn't notice Ivan in this scene. That's just like him, isn't it. Always too busy running after Mizi while Ivan trails behind, an ever-present shadow.
I'm not sure how Ivan manipulated the circumstances for both of them to end up there, but it is confirmed that everything was intentional. What strikes me most is how they describe this particular scene:
I can't copy down what they said word-for-word (Patreon info), but they described Ivan watching "creepily" as Till and Mizi are faced with danger. We know that Ivan was familiar with the Cerberus wagyein beforehand, enough to touch its teeth and even to rest himself inside its maw. To Ivan, the wagyein is not dangerous, but to Till and Mizi, it could be. Ivan prepared the wagyein, led them there, and watched "creepily" from afar as Till fell on his knees, seemingly injured.
The closest I can get to making sense of Ivan's "scheme" is that he wanted to see how other children would react in a dangerous situation. Ivan's always been an observer, after all, and he's learned to survive by copying the more "normal" behaviors of his peers. This situation occured when Ivan was still young and had not yet developed his more charming mask, so perhaps he staged this encounter to study a situational response, to learn and mimic the emotion of fear. And what better subjects for the experiment than two of the most expressive and reactive humans of their batch? It helps that he was already fixated on Till beforehand, too. I think Ivan became irreversibly obssessed after this incident, especially since it's framed as a turning point in Ivan's life, comparing Till to the stars.
This is just my attempt at an interpretation, though. It could very well be for another reason. He most likely chose Till and Mizi specifically for personal reasons, not just for reaction. I'm still not sure on the purpose behind the whole thing.
The team wanted to capture Ivan's "dark emotions" through the shot of his stalking, which could relate to his more sinister intentions. His gaze can be read in a few different ways, though. Curiosity, interest, fear, etc. Maybe that's why they decided to redraw the shot in ROUND 6.
I think this better sells the feeling they were trying to convey.
#ivan u fucked up little guy.#also okay i just wanna clear this up#i know i make a lot of posts about ivans darker side and his more problematic traits#but this isn't me trying to villainize him or reduce him down to “toxic yaoi”#I HOPE YOU GUYS KNOW ALL MY TOXIC YAOI POSTS ARE LIGHTHEARTED.#i just want to clarify that ivan was always intended to be a darker and complicated character. even since his debut in round 3#the way i refer to ivan (“twisted” “creepy” “obssessive” etc) are literally the direct words used by q and v themselves to describe him#but despite that id like to emphasize that i don't see ivan as a villain or a completely bad person. hes complicated#there is no normalcy in this world they are living in. none of the characters know what being truly normal is#this isn't me condoning his actions#but it has to be acknowledged that alnst is fucked up in nature. we can't expect perfect relationships from people who are born to die#plus ivan has a lot more layers past the “dark” parts. he's constantly battling himself and his desires#especially at the end of round 6 where he performs a myriad of conflicting actions (kiss strangle peck smile)#thanks to the r6 production notes we now know that ivan was going through a rapid internal conflict#“sure and unsure at the same time”#there is sooo much to ivan. his low self-esteem. his desire and possessiveness despite knowing till will never love him#his VEHEMENT insistence that till will never love him vs his desperate persistence in trying anyway#uh i need to shut up i think#anyways sorry. just wanted to clarify my thoughts on him in case people think im. yk.#in short. hes a fucked up little freak and he fascinates me. this poor tragic child. i love him.#SORRY I GOT CARRIED AWAY#alnst#alien stage#alien stage ivan#alnst ivan#asks
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hey guys do we realize that the main difference betwen how kai and midori developed is that kai was given the chance to learn what normal life and love and family was like by working with chidouins while midori was kept under asunaros thumb all his life. do we realize that just a few changes could have kai acting just as cruel and merciless as midori. do we realize that midori is a victim of asunaro too, and though that doesn't excuse his actions it does make them more tragic. do we realize this or are we all being serious when we say midori is the only character who isn't worth redemption.
#77ngiez speaks#yttd#sou hiyori#yttd midori#midori yttd#you can also see parts of this with fake hinako too#how she used to be just as cold and cruel and she just barely began softening uo when being shown care by the dummies#also it was physically painful to have to call sou 'midori' but thats what everyone in the fandom calls him so. sighs. sacrifices had to be#i am sou hiyori apologist numero uno i think he is a tragic character and a victim of his situation#i dont think that excuses his actions or behaviors but i also think we as a fandom must all keep in mind that he was raised in A LITERAL#DEATH CULT#people call it creepy when sou says he wished he coulda killed shin himself but people just call it sweet and tragic when sei asked kai to#kill him himself#as if they werent both the same sentiment that came from the same place#ahem. clears my throat#i think ppl should be a little nicer to sou. hes just a silly guy#and believe me i have reason to hate his guts [not elaborating but my beef with him is personal /srs]#but he is in fact my blorbo#if u guys can forgive miley safalin ranger and shin#surely you can forgive sou. just a smidgin#posts i made bcs i got mad abt ppl saying 'MIDORI CANT BE A GREENBLING HES TOO EVIL'#as if those same ppl dont eat up kai and sara siblingisms#OK I NEED TO SHUT UP NOW. thank u to anybody who read these tags in full
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DRAW EVIL RAGATHA BEING SUPER PROTECTIVE OF POMNI
you… do you know? that bad girls? go to hell?
#requesties#my thoughts while drawing this: god i hope this doesn't awaken something in me... THEY TOLD ME THINK ABOUT WELL I DID AND I DON'T WANNA FEE#A THING ANYMORE... fuck this is too much... idgaf... im so jealous of pomni... please pomni don't be so hard to draw im tryin put u w with#your wife stupid... oh... oh??? so you're cooperating now... good shut up and kiss her holy shit#*puts head in hands* it did in fact awaken something in me#creepy protective mommy ragatha#and shy concerned creepy pomni#since theres already evil!raggs out there somewhere im dubbing this ragapom “edgelord!ragapom” so#edgelord!ragapom#ragapom#caption is Get Scared lyrics#my art#digital art#sketch sloppy oppy sketch#design switches because I couldn’t give edgelord!ragatha cute curly hair like#in my head this raggs is 4 sure a voodoo doll and not a Raggedy Ann knock off#girl has graduated into goth school 😍#thanks 4 the requestie#buttonblossom#pomni x ragatha#jesterdoll#doomed digital yuri
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so has anyone figured out WHY there is the Need To Share our Artworks™ or is it just the vibes and our Soul apparently
#ive been running on “two cakes. u aren't BOTHERING people by putting art on their feed they can scroll past it/if they dont they get ”cake“”#and we love “cake”#“cake” is picture on the internet in this case#like okay the contracts and transaction format is a me problem!! i need to get rid of the “utilitarian brain worms” bc they're boring#this is supposed to be a hobby and the “get a good grade in hobby” wolf in the brain is just crying bc that's how they understand the world#the “get a good grade in x” wolf has valid pain but needs to stop controlling my life because they don't need to earn “enough value to live”#ect ect ect#and the life of minmaxxed utility is a life of trying to appeal to a “correct” that doesn't exist yaddi yadda = boring#i love you wolf. also shut up. affectionate. concerned. you get it#ok so we remove tangible purpose from act of experience art because THAT'S not “the point”#because “the point” is the joy killer eccetera ecc#but then what? “here check out this labor of love. i drew this fucker 15 times. no there's no story* there it's just a guy”#*story in this case being an emotional engagement/a situation/a context in which to ponder/other#so it's just a Draw. no further analysis. what do others Get from that?#i know i deeply enjoy art because im a fan of the process of People Making Stuff. i love when there was nothing but now there's something!!!#THAT'S what's it all about!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to me!!!! right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#so it stands to reason that creation is purpose enough?? to be experienced???? to be known????????#idk!!#this is a nothing burger of a thought people have always liked picture on the internet stfu maiora there doesn't need to be a reason#this is just the brainworms talking!!! because god forbid “something not have a purpose”??? blegh!!!!!!!!#sounds like unhealthy rationalizing instead of letting things be out of The Fear™!!sounds like depraving urself from joy bc of BRAINWORMS!!!#so like!!!!! picture on the internet doesn't NEED inherent value. creation is enough!! (plus there's the Attachment to Character. also.)#but then why are YOU *points at you* here? gen q!!#i made an image you like and now you are reading my word babble in some tags!!! what's THAT all about???????????#it's INTERESTING!! do you see what im trying to get at??#is it empathy??? person made something other saw something other made- other2other connection???? intrigue????????#.......all this is probably explained in some book or yt essay somewhere. oh well.#in the meantime thank you for your time! we can pretend we were stuck in an elevator together and then i started rambling#i hope you have a great rest of your day thanks for stopping by!! <3#maiora garrulates
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what about crop top!kit w a lower back tattoo…
like maybe something like this …
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DO U THINK UR DOING??!?! COMING FOR ME LIKE THIS??!? WHAT THE FUVK WGAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK
#OH U KNOW WHAT UR DOING#THIS IS MAKING ME GO FERAL HOLY SHIT#WAS NOT EXPECTING YO BE HIT WITH A BACK TATTOO!KIT HC TODAY#BUT IT REMINDS ME OF AN AMAZING FIC I READ ONCE OOOF#THANK U FOR THIS😳#I WILL NOW NEVER SHUT UP.#kit herondale#the dark artifices#the wicked powers#tda#twp#tsc#asks
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i giggle so hard whenever i see one of my posts on someone else's blog like omg..... i'm actually liked by people..... blushing rn
#just happened to me and every time i smile so hard#i am filled with an overwhelming gratitude today#ilysm guys </3#my babiiiiiiies#i cannot explain the comfort this little blog brings me#i've met some of my best friends here#and i'm so grateful ☹️☹️☹️💞💞💞#thank you so much truly😭🩷🫶🏻#not to be sappy. but#i have never felt as valued and grateful for everything and by everyone i have in my life before this silly little blog#i love u sm#thank you 🫶🏻#i think at my core i am a very selfish person. i often do things for myself and myself alone#even the nice things are for my own benefit a lot of the time#i want to help people but most of all i want to help myself and it makes me feel bad sometimes#because i know a lot of people in my life online and irl see me as this kind selfless person#but only i know it doesn't always come from a place of kindness for others#i think there's some underlying problem there i need to look into genuinely. but i am so grateful for u guys genuinely#i love you all w my whole heart 🫶🏻#ok ill shut up now#thoughts ୨𖹭୧#girlblogging#it girl#wonyoungism#girlhood#pink pilates princess#girly tumblr#this is what makes us girls#girly stuff#girlcore
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OKAY hear me out but touya WITH a job getting ready at your cute vanity and pink room. struggling to put up his cargo pants/ slacks with the belt, while running over to get his coat off of the fuzzy pink chair in the corner. he's forced to fix his hair and check if his face looks the least presentable in your mirror filled with polaroids before he goes out and it's SO funny to watch him do that omg. i'm gonna die
(pt. i!)
WAHHH mismatched socks, the elastic of his calvin kleins (that u bought him) peeking out at his backside; he nearly trips over his work bag that's waiting for him on the floor and practically slides right into your full-length mirror--you're really rooting for him and even though he wouldnt say it, he'd try to strangle himself if he lost his job for being late just one too many times--because he's rushing to get out the door.
you can hear him from the kitchen where you're putting together lunches (not for him specifically, but because you already make something for yourself, you might as well...you're welcome, touya), AND YES IT'S SO HARD not to laugh when the door bursts open and he's looking like a little fool with his black and white hair actually combed down and smudges around his eyes from trying + failing to get your eyeliner off of him.
(also, did he use your hairspray that was sitting on your vanity? maybe. okay, yes. though it's no surprise he knows where everything you own is lmfao)
he stills refuses to let you put things in a lunch box, but no way in HELL he's not shoving the wrapped sandwich and bento full of fruit into his bag before !!! kissing you goodbye!!!
it's truly like a dream come true 'coz even though part of him feels like a DOG having to work for the man, making you happy is what MAKES HIM HAPPY and being able to fill your (and now! his) room with more cute and pink things is his new favorite hobby...
(and even though he blushes like hell doing it, the next lunch date he's picking you up from, he's paying the whole table's bill in CASH and not taking no for an answer. makes him feel the best he has in a while. even though he's still eating everyone's leftovers lmao.)
slay the house down HOUSTON I'M DECEASED!!!!
#dabi#sorry my grammar went oUT THE DOOR WITH THIS#HE (YOUR IDEAS ANON) MAKE ME INSNANNANANENENENSNSNANANNENEN#also him in big doc martens I AM ASDJFLKAJDHFJKADHSFNJKADHJN#i fiend.... for him.......#and i love u anon thank u for this blessing#also i wonder what he does for work i've been trying to think!!#i def think it's something funny like the dmv or post office or something#bUT IDK MAYBE it's something else entirely!!#this dabi universe is everything to me#also if u have ur little kitten nibbles too <3 and he finally can afford to buy it expensive food#WAH#he's so ... boywife like truly his friends( shiggy toga twice mags all of them) are all . 'okay when did YOU get married?#and he's like shut up . but then asks if he can invite them over for dinner sometime akljdfladjfa#yes now that u pay rent boi#MWAH#caitie things#anon#gen
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At the end of this story, there is only a cold spot
Stained with blood and empty air
#(doesnt post art for several years then comes crawling out of the soil w some sad new gay dudes under my arms) hey bitches ya miss me#alnst#alien stage#ivantill#alnst ivan#alnst till#alnst fanart#imma be honest chief i havent done this in so long ive forgotten how i usually tag this shit uhhhh okie#dont look too hard at anything else the mistakes will scare you soooooo bad#anyways hiiii these are my new horrible babygirls#they loooooove self sacrifice and hate communication#thank u for listening. i will now not post anything original ever again. goodby#oh wait does this need cw tags uh maybe.#blood //#body horror //#sure lets go w that#shut up fein#Fein does art#havent used that tag in a hot minute
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I had a minor surgery/procedure today I was super nervous about but everything went well!!! everyone was so attentive and nice, it made the experience an absolute breeze and I felt really comfortable and reassured ;;_;; couldn't ask for a better care team!!!
just got a couple days of healing ahead but super blown away...just had to share it out into the world!!! the care team even wrote me a handwritten note and added it in to my stuff ;;_;;
there has been A LOT of personal stuff going on the last couple months but finally getting to chip away at stuff, and getting medical providers that are helping eith the burden... I'm extremely lucky and thankful to have that experience !!!! can’t wait to get back to art…. can’t wait to hopefully feel some kind of relief soon!
#personal#update#there’s been way more stuff going on that’s been the cause of the radio silence and tbh just being a bit burnt out#and focusing on surviving the day to day#but also i can’t believe i’ve been working my day job for a year now ???? time is going So Fast#also extremely lucky everyone at work is so understanding and even with this surgery and stuff they’re like yeah dude rest up#take your time and take another day or two if ya need it#feels nice after so many years of fighting to finally have a medical team that is supportive#and a job that’s flexible#not perfect by any means but wow so helpful#i have a good network rn and i feel extremely lucky!!!#not to mention the moral support my friends have been thru this#ANYWAY IM SAPPY !!! i’ll shut up now lol#thank u for the support everyone#i’ll be back soon ✌🏽
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can i ask about the captain america bachelor's thesis and the score you got for it
hi lorelei!! you absolutely may ask me!!
it was called "Steve Rogers and Captain America aren't always the same guy": Captain America Fanfiction as a Locus of Transformation, Identity Exploration, and Reclamation (a bit wordy, i know) and it basically outlined fanfiction conceptually and went into the history of cap as a character and political symbol to then analyze trends in cap fanfiction as forum for identity politics and fan reclamation. i think we stress so many of his identity markers in fandom that are played down or straight up erased in source material (esp the mcu) and i wanted to elaborate on the possible reasons for and effects of that. it was a lot of fun.
and i got a dutch 9/10!! which translated to an american A+ on my transcript, which is a bit crazy. i was lucky to have a super lovely and supportive thesis advisor :)
i can send it to you if you're interested!
#its like 12k words of dense academic text but it is quite interesting if i do say so myself#and the one academic thing i could always do confidently was write :P#but yeah i had so much fun with it!!#im so lucky to have been in a program and found an advisor where writing about cap fanfiction for my thesis was totally viable#and i even did well??#i fear i may have peaked#anyway#i will shut up now#thank u for asking!!#it always makes me really happy when people are interested because clearly i'm a nerd about it#tortle answers#captain america
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no promises anymoooooreeeee i'll appear online when i appear online 😭 every time i say "ooh i think life is almost done being overwhelming!" it. becomes even more overwhelming in the dumbest ways. all i can manage rn when i'm not stressing myself into a shut-down state is staring at the wall while listening to youtube essays + mindlessly crocheting.
i might queue up ppls art and fics w/o commentary in the tags... i want other ppl to see what all of my cool friends have made, but i genuinely can't think right now with this monstrous brain fog. i'm really sorry, just. yeah. maybe i'll think of some way to make it up later!!! once the dust has settled!!!! but until then i wuv u and miss u. smiles.
[venting in tags including familial manipulation and ableism. i. didn't mean to write all of that, thiss was originally going to be a main blog post but. aaaaaAAAAAA!!!!!
also no need for replies or anything, i'd turn them off for just the one post if i could kjsndkn, i just needed to get things out and go eep jsjndsfdn ok bye bye bye bye!!!!]
#goddd my family finds it sooooooo funny that i can't do basic tasks! it's soooo funny that i can't even think of a horror movie to watch#on halloween bc i genuinely can't remember a single one right now. it's soooo funny that i can't take cardboard boxes or#old furniture out of my room without help bc i've physically and mentally and emotionally burnt out for Months.#and me not being able to move shit out after two (2) days makes me a hoarder somehow. and ofc hoarding is a moral failing#and my mom has to give me a stern talking-to about hoarding things... that were. again. in my room for 2 days....#[tbc it isnt a moral failing no matter the reason. life is hard and things happen and it can be hard to get rid of things for Reasons.]#nevermind them making constant snide remarks about me using ugly 'mismatched' desk / storage furniture. bc it was free / cheap? no income??#AND!!!!! i have a couple of new diagnoses. which doesn't change much day to day but it does make my family making fun of me#even more dumbfounding. like. this explains a lot of really scary unexplained symptoms that constantly leave me#housebound for weeks but uhhh haha hehe hoho??? so silly so funny that i'm barely conscious for multiple weeks???#and you can see that i'm getting worse but that makes it funnier??? hmm!!!#also nevermind that i've told them the exact reason why i've been like this (read: them) but that ALSO makes it funnier somehow.#but i also can't say shit bc they're doing something ~nice~ for me (out of convenience + after almost a decade of 'don't get comfortable'#and 'don't decorate this room bc it isn't yours' and 'you need to be ready to move out by x date'#only for the date to arrive and them to pull the 'i never said that. and if i did say it i didn't mean it like that.#and if i did mean it like that i don't anymore.' card. + any big renovations are things they wanted anyway. hmmmm!!#and how i have to do all of the phys labor alone bc if i ask for help i get made fun of!!! and yelled at that i'm doing things Wrong#(hint: i'm following instructions to the letter but. my family knows better than those silly things!! ^^ ))#jfc i sure did rant. uh. yeah. things. are really weird and uncomfy and i feel thankful that i finally can have my own things on display#outside of closets and bins again after a decade?? but i'm also waiting for the other shoe to drop / them to tell me i owe them in#some way??? bc that's how it works. 'i'm doing a nice thing you didn't even ask me for so now you have to do whatever i tell you to.'#meanwhile i can't even maladaptive daydream my way through it bc my brain is soup right now. can't remember basic things abt#my interests bc i've been on negative battery / spoons for a couple of months straight and it's only getting worse.#OKAY TLDR i'm not in a state to do anything until everything irl gets settled. and i'm trying So Hard to get it all over with but there's#only so much i can do in a day before i completely shut down. i didn't even get into the insurance stuff i've been fighting too ughhhh.#so if i show up on here in short spurts -- hi! bye! hi!! i wuv and care u!!! hope youre well mwah mwah!!!!!!! i'll post what i can and then#disappear when i need to recharge. it is what it is. i need to try to sleep now... uh if this post disappears when i wake up.... yeah......#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]#vent -
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